I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
