Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
