she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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