i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize