He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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