I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
