I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize