I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
