I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
