apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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