well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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