she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize