Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
And then he peed in my hair
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