I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
