He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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