oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
