My nipple is on Facebook.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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