i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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