I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My liver just had a heart attack.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
