It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
