Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
