It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
