so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
