what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
