You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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