Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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