New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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