I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
