She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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