OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
