If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
