You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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