you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize