So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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