i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
