If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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