I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
