i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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