did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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