How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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