thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
