I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
