I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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