you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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