Kiss
Puke
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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