I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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