So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
