barbara walters just said penis...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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