Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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