I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
