I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How does one acquire holy water?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize