Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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