arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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