somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
