im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize