That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Text me some of your sweat
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