hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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