ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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