You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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