You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
