this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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