Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
