oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
