It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
