Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
