Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
