if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
