Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
