she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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