What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
