she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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