I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
