I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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