She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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