1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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