How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
