he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
