operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
