so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
