Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
