wat bout pragnant strippers??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
