theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
