my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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