Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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