Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
