70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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