i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
