I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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