Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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