I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
foreskin is a definite game changer
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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