you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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