i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
