Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize