you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
