Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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